And you definitely don't want to share the road with the driver of a hybrid car who has the bad driver gene, which is said to exist in 30 percent of the driving population, except in Massachusetts and Rhode Island, where it's prevalent in 90 percent of drivers.

A disturbing new study by the National Transportation Safety Board takes the shine off all those do-gooders in their Insights and Priuses. The study concluded that hybrid cars strike bicyclists or pedestrians more often than conventional cars do.

Now some people chalk it up to the hybrids being quieter and suggest they need to be equipped with noise makers. (I think the sound of birds chirping or waves crashing would be appropriate.) But at least one writer hints that the high accident rate is the product of jealous tree huggers trying to bump off two groups that rank higher in the eco-friendly pecking order.

I'd like to think it's more innocent than that. I'd like to think that those dangerous drivers were just day-dreaming about saving piping plovers or hugging Al Gore.

And maybe they all have the bad driver gene. Another study recently showed that people with a certain gene variant performed 20 percent worse on a driving test.

The research suggests that some people are born bad drivers. (We all know kids who were always crashing their scooters into the kitchen table.) According to researchers, 30 percent of us have this gene variant. (Although none of us would admit to it, since we're all great drivers, right? It's all those other guys with the bad driving genes.)

The research means that there's a 30 percent chance that the guy who cut you off on the way to work this morning just couldn't help himself.

I bet you still don't feel bad about cursing him.

First we we got the bighorn sheep look, a hair style that left fashion models looking surprisingly similar to bighorn sheep.

Then we got the book hat, a smart look that enables fashion models to look brainy and maybe even absorb some knowledge by wearing books on their heads.

After that, we were treated to the garden hat, and discovered that wearers didn't have to leave their beautiful flower displays at home, but could tote them around on their heads and, if theirs was a vegetable garden, maybe even reach up for a healthy snack.

And now we see the sure-to-be-popular pastry hat (or, at least in one case, the pastry mask.) Above are a few that were displayed Sunday at the Tokyo Sweets Collection 2009 in Tokyo, Japan.

All of these look fashionable and tasty but my favorite is the wedding cake hat on the right. The most practical of all, a wedding cake hat would ensure that the bride could get around to see everyone at the reception.

"Hi, thanks for coming. Would you like a piece of cake? Here, just grab a slice from the top of my head."

Or if the bride and groom are the types who like to play the wedding-cake-fighting-game, it would give the bride a distinct advantage in that she could simply head butt the groom.

Cha Sa-soon, 68, succeeded after taking the test almost every day since April 2005.

Good for her, but would you want to catch a ride with her?

Or even drive on the same road?

In an apparently unrelated story, a driver in Oklahoma sideswiped an 8-foot, 4,500-pound elephant that had escaped from a circus.

Cha Sa-soon was not driving.

A exhaustive 19-year study has proven what most sensible animal lovers already knew: Dogs are the funniest animals of all.

But the study did turn up some surprising findings. It claims that cats are the second funniest. It also suggests that monkeys are overrated in the humor department.

The "study" bases its conclusions on prize winners from "America's Funniest Home Videos."

The story explains, "Dogs are a clear winner as the funniest animal - especially wiener dogs, Chihuahuas and pugs - judging by payouts from the series, which begins its 20th year on ABC next month.

"In the show's first 19 years, 260 animal videos have won $2.2 million for their videographers. More than half those winners (136) have been dogs for $1.4 million in prize money. There have been 34 cat champs making $210,000," the AP reports.

Dogs. Of course. But cats? Anything that takes itself as seriously as a cat clearly has no sense of humor. Cats aren't funny at all. In fact, I'm sure cats would be offended if they realized that anyone found them funny -- and then they'd show even more attitude and even less humor, if that were possible.

Nearly as surprising is the poor showing by monkeys. Monkeys ranked well behind cats. They also fell behind squirrels and birds. (Okay, talking birds can be funny, but how many times can they repeat that joke?)

Monkeys have starred in movies, television shows, kids books. Who doesn't laugh at "Curious George?" And yet viewers of this popular TV show ranked their videos right down their with clips starring such side splitters as goats, mice and whales.

Card makers think monkeys are funny too. Whenever I go to the store to look for a birthday card, there's no shortage of birthday cards showing monkeys doing funny things like wearing diapers, drinking beer or riding a bike. I usually fall for one of them and send it off figuring it will bring a chuckle to a friend or a family member.

I notice that I don't receive as many birthday cards as I used to. Now maybe I know why.

The chair

DULUTH, Minn. (AP) -- A Minnesota man has pleaded guilty to driving his motorized La-Z-Boy chair while drunk. A criminal complaint says 62-year-old Dennis LeRoy Anderson told police he left a bar in the northern Minnesota town of Proctor on his chair after drinking eight or nine beers.

The driver

Prosecutors say Anderson's blood alcohol content was 0.29, more than three times the legal limit, when he crashed into a parked vehicle in August 2008. He was not seriously injured.

Police said the chair was powered by a converted lawnmower and had a stereo and cup holders. (This guy had to have been the envy of all the other guys in the neighborhood.)

Sixth Judicial District Judge Heather Sweetland stayed 180 days of jail time Monday and ordered two years of probation for Anderson. His attorney, David Keegan, did not immediately return a call for comment.

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Information from: Duluth News Tribune, http://www.duluthsuperior.com

STAMFORD, Conn. (AP) -- Police say a woman singing karaoke in a Connecticut sports bar was attacked by six other women who didn't like her performance.

Five of the women were arraigned on assault and other charges on Wednesday in Stamford Superior Court. The other woman appeared in court Monday on the same charges.

Police say the Sept. 23 attack on the 25-year-old woman from Port Chester, N.Y., happened during karaoke night at Bobby Valentine's Sports Gallery Cafe in Stamford.

Authorities say the six women, all under the legal drinking age of 21, knocked the singer to the floor, punched her and pulled her hair. The victim suffered bruises and a chipped tooth.

The victim has said she was singing "A Dios Le Pido" by Colombian superstar Juanes when the violence began.

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Information from: The Advocate, http://www.stamfordadvocate.com

I thought I'd share the information, even though I realize it's news only to people who've never been parents, and anyone over the age of 12 who's never had a parent.

The story is carried on the Web site livescience.com under the headline "Parents Lie to Children Surprisingly Often."

Apparently the headline writer isn't a parent.

The story quotes study researcher Kang Lee of the University of Toronto saying, "We are surprised by how often parenting by lying takes place. Our findings showed that even the parents who most strongly promoted the importance of honesty with their children engaged in parenting by lying."

Apparently Kang Lee isn't a parent either.

The story reports, "From claiming the existence of magical creatures to odd consequences of kids' actions, parents often come up with creative tales to shape a child's behaviors and emotions.

"Many parents reported telling their children that bad things would happen if they didn't go to bed or eat certain foods," the story continues. "One mother recalled telling her child that if he didn't finish his food he would get pimples all over his face."

I'm sure that most people go into parenting with good honest intentions, but then they realize that you can't reason with a 4-year-old mid-tantrum. Telling a kid there's a monster in the woods might keep him from wandering away. (Okay, scary stories are also kind of fun.) And when they get older, you realize that it doesn't do anyone any good to detail all the dumb things we did when we were young.

According to the story, more than 70 percent of the parents surveyed said they teach their children that lying is unacceptable. Even so, nearly 80 percent of parents admitted lying to their kids.

I'm guessing the other 20 percent lied to the researchers.

"Let's check your heart. Here's a prescription. See you next year. Gotta keep the line moving."

If you've gotten that drive-thru or assembly-line feeling during a visit to a health-care provider, then you might not be surprised to learn that some hospitals are experimenting with the kind of drive-thru experience, according to an Associated Press report.

"Call it McTriage," the story says.

Hospitals are testing these systems so they can handle an overwhelming demand for services, such as a swine flu outbreak, the story reports.

At Stanford University in Palo Alto, Calif., doctors recently tested a drive-thru system for flu patients in a parking ramp, the story reports.

Through the car window, a doctor can measure blood pressure, pulse and breathing rates. Blood tests can also be done.

The drive-thru shaved 80 minutes off the typical two-hour wait in the regular emergency room.

That's comforting news. It might also be comforting to know that if the doctor probes a little too much, you can step on the gas and go.

The town of Wellford should prepare for a spike in its population and its crime because Mayor Sallie Peake has banned her officers from running after suspects.

According to an Associated Press report, the mayor issued the order after the city had to pay for an officer who missed work after chasing a "guy who had a piece of crack on him."

She said a drug possession charge was not worth the cost to taxpayers.

Apparently, she didn't give the officers the option of calculating which crimes and criminals were worth pursuing. Maybe she figured that by the time they did the math, the suspects would be gone anyway.

It's a good thing she's a mayor and not a movie director. Everyone knows cop movies just aren't any good if they don't have a few good police chases.

Peake's order has brought some criticism, but it's really a clear victory for the slow afoot. When it comes to crime, fast runners have always had a distinct advantage. It's one reason crime is a young man's (or woman's) game.

Slow-footed criminals have suffered long enough. As kids they were probably picked last for their neighborhood sports teams. And maybe that left them with the low self-esteem that steered them toward a life of crime.

As they say in sports, this just evens the playing field.

The Snuggie wants to get off the couch and walk into the world of mainstream fashion.

That's right. The makers of those sleeved blankets popularized by the ubiquitous infomercials are encouraging their legions to turn off the TV and wear their Snuggies out into the real world.

And why not? Monks, judges and Star Wars nerds have been dressing like this for years. Think of the advantages: One size fits almost all. No need to change when you get into or out of bed. It's easy to hide those extra pounds, not to mention the six-pack of beer. And two can get into the movies for the price of one.

Don't be surprised if Hollywood stars start walking the red carpet in something that resembles the red carpet. And brides could soon walk down the aisle in white sleeveless Snuggies. Think of how much they could save. Snuggies cost $19.95 plus shipping and handling. Wedding dresses can cost thousands. The savings could be put to the honeymoon. Or an open bar.

According to The Associated Press, Snuggie staged a fashion show for New York Fashion Week Tuesday. Fashion models (both human and dog) displayed the latest in Snuggie style, including zebra and leopard prints, tie-dye, camouflage and college logos. Call it Snuggie chic.

Yes, thanks to Snuggie, you can show support for your alma mater while you sleep, shop for groceries or dine at your favorite restaurant.

Even better, parents can do this while publicly embarrassing their children. You can even use the Snuggie to humiliate your pet, since Snuggies are available for dogs, too. How many pet lovers would go for his and its matching Snuggies?

Some might interpret this as the further erosion of formality, a sign that we're losing respect for each other, for ourselves. Men don't wear nice hats and suits to the ballgame anymore. Some people wear sweat pants to the office. Now we're wearing our blankets to the mall. How long will it be before we go to dinner in our boxer shorts? And I'm not talking about dinner at home.

But I think it's a great idea, as long as the brides are willing to invest their savings in open bars.

In Uniontown, Pa., which is about 35 miles southeast of Pittsburgh, a man characterized as a history buff accidentally fired a 2-pound cannonball through the wall of his neighbor's home, according to The Associated Press.

The ardent historian, William Maser, 54, told an area television station that he recreates 19th century cannons.

And apparently he's pretty good at it.

The cannonball reportedly ricocheted and hit a house 400 yards away, smashed through a window and a wall before landing in a closet, according to the AP report. Fortunately, nobody was hurt.

History buffs are an interesting bunch. Some of them enjoy dressing up like Revolutionary War or Civil War combatants and reenacting battles. But do you ever get the impression some of them wish they weren't just playing around?

If you're the kind of guy who thinks it's cool to dress up like, say, an actual Revolutionary War soldier from hat to boot, you'd have to think it's really cool to have a musket that actually shoots.

Maser's cannon did shoot, and he now faces charges brought by the state police. According to the AP report, he told the television station that he was sorry and would stop shooting cannonballs on his property.

That must be a relief to Maser's neighbors, who probably don't want the Battle of Gettysburg being fought again on their lawns, unless, of course, they're history buffs, too.

AP Photos

Some people are chastising President Obama because he went for a bicycle ride on Martha's Vineyard without wearing a helmet, but those critics, including my colleague Pam Cotter in the Projo Fitness Blog, should relax and maybe go for a bike ride themselves.

It's not as if the president was barreling through the streets of Washington, D.C., during rush hour. He was pedaling through a secluded part of Martha's Vineyard.

Besides, since the press is watching the president's every move on the Vineyard, he must have known he'd be photographed. And unless you're Lance Armstrong, it's impossible to look cool in a bicycle helmet.

The president couldn't afford a Mike Dukakis moment. After all, he has another election to worry about in a few years.

While the rest of us plebeians might shriek and fumble for our cameras in the presence of the rich and famous, most Vineyarders claim they wouldn't even lift their Ray-Bans for a closer look.

After all, they've lived with celebs like Spike Lee and Carly Simon for years. To believe the legend, Lee might as well be some kid who uploads video to YouTube, and Simon could be an American Idol wannabe.

On its Web site, the Martha's Vineyard Chamber of Commerce boasts about the island's "miles and miles of beach," its "quaint" New England villages and its "respect for celebrity."

But, with President Obama and family on the island, those ultra-cool Vineyarders are apparently finding their nonchalance tested the same way it was tested when President Clinton visited in the 1990s.

Hundreds of people are filling the streets to catch a look at the Obamas, just as they did when the Clintons visited. On Tuesday night, 400 to 500 people gathered for a glimpse when the Obamas went to dinner in Oak Bluffs, according to the Cape Cod Times.

But, hey, maybe those crowds are full of day-trippers from the mainland.

And maybe the people behind these ideas aren't real islanders. But, in addition to all the Obama T-shirts for sale on the Vineyard, you can buy a Barack Obama watch. You can eat a Barack-O-Taco and wash it down with an Obamarita, according to the Cape Cod Times. For dessert, you can walk down the street and buy a Vineyard-shaped cookie that carries a picture of the president.

Vineyarders like to call their island "The Rock." As far as I can tell, nobody has suggested renaming it "The Barock."

But just wait.