It just doesn't seem fair that a sheriff in New York would pull over and fine a driver for traveling with a mannequin.

What does the sheriff's office on Long Island have against mannequins or the people who hang out with them?

I'm sure a lot of people who drive the Long Island Expressway have long commutes. It gets lonely driving all by yourself. Maybe the driver just wanted a little company, somebody to talk to.

Sure, mannequins aren't all that talkative, but isn't that the best kind of conversationalist, somebody -- or something -- who'll just listen? Why do you think dogs are so popular?

I know this driver is accused of trying to beat the system by using the mannequin to qualify as the second person, her "plus one," in the high-occupancy vehicle lane, but I think a good lawyer could punch a hole in the deputy sheriff's probable cause for stopping the vehicle.

The sheriff's suspicions were reportedly raised because the car's "passenger" was wearing sunglasses on a cloudy day. But plenty of "real people" wear sunglasses on cloudy days. Will the deputy sheriff start pulling over every wannabe movie star, athlete and rock star who wears sunglasses on cloudy days?

And maybe you're thinking that nobody was preventing this woman from taking a drive with her mannequin. She just couldn't drive in the high-occupancy lane. I know the idea with these high-occupancy lanes is to encourage carpooling and let those hard-working commuters get to the office faster.

But maybe this driver was a Good Samaritan rushing to get the mannequin to work. Mannequins are some of the hardest workers I've ever seen. Haven't we all seen mannequins that work 24 hours a day, day after day, in store windows?

The Associated Press story on this sad tale noted that the deputy sheriff found the mannequin, fully dressed with a long dark wig, blazer, shirt and scarf.

It was dressed for work, no doubt.

Happy belated birthday, beer can.

Canned beer celebrated its 75th birthday this week, on Jan. 24 to be exact, and it's information like this that helps us realize just how difficult life must have been for those pioneers who lived in the early part of the 20th century.

A story on the always-interesting Web site livescience.com informs us of the beer can's big day and urges us to crack a cold one and celebrate.

The story is also full of interesting stuff on the history of beer. Beer is as old as civilization itself, the Web site reports, noting that "the accidental fermentation of wheat or barley, which produces a rudimentary beer - almost certainly occurred soon after the advent of crop agriculture."

The writer then wonders who could have been the first brave soul "to volunteer to drink a murky pool of wheat water?"

I'm guessing it was a college student or a football fan.

The story also explains beer's role in the Pilgrims missing their new world target of Virginia and instead settling in Plymouth.

No, it's not because the Pilgrims were too drunk to hit the right spot, but once they landed in Massachusetts and realized their mistake, they decided they had to stay where they were because they were low on crucial supplies such as beer.

Apparently beer was as important to the diets of men like William Bradford and Myles Standish as it is to Homer Simpson's.

We've all seen the depressing headlines, but if you really want to know how bad the economy is, just ask "Markus," the country's one and only legal gigolo.

He started his job last week at Nevada's Shady Lady Ranch but apparently hasn't been able to find any work. Despite lots of publicity and rock-hard abs, the muscular Markus has apparently kept his feet up and his shirt on all week. (Maybe he's spending his time wisely and reading his employer's training manuals.)

On the bright side, he does have a couple of "appointments" scheduled for this weekend, according to a story by the Associated Press.

Markus and his boss's are breaking new ground (just like Rosa Parks, Markus says) and their effort has been met with some cynicism and controversy.

After the Shady Lady's operators won state and county approval, they sifted through hundreds of applicants. (And just what do your put on your resume if you're applying for work as a gigolo? What do you wear, or what don't you wear to your interview?)

They hired Markus, an ex-Marine and college dropout who landed in Nevada after trying work as a porn actor in LA.

Some are calling Markus the "prostidude."

Jim Davis, co-owner of the Shady Lady, told the Associated Press that the Shady Lady had received dozens of e-mails expressing interest in the gigolo. He said it took years to establish steady business from truckers, salesmen and other travelers after the brothel opened 17 years ago, and getting paying women customers could take at least a month.

So it might be a while before we know if being a prostitude is a new career path for Markus or anyone else.

Like so many Massachusetts and Rhode Island retirees, a great white shark spotted and tagged by harpoon off Chatham four months ago has apparently gone south for the winter.

Who says sharks have small brains?

According to marine biologists, the electronic tagged popped off the shark off Florida and began transmitting data by satellite.

The data will provide scientists with all sorts of information on the mysterious great white shark.

"We're looking forward to sharing the findings," said Ian Bowles, secretary of energy and environmental affairs in Massachusetts. "So far, all we know is that this particular shark is a snowbird."

Yes, I think we already know plenty. This great white shark is living an American dream -- Chatham in the summer, Florida in the winter.

But I wonder if the data can tell us if this snowshark is collecting a Massachusetts or Rhode Island pension.

I'm not sure if he could hit Randy Moss on a post pattern, but I'm thinking that actor Michael C. Hall could play Tom Brady in "The Tom Brady Movie," unless, of course, Brady wanted to keep the starring role for himself.

Hall plays a serial killer in Showtime's "Dexter," so he'd probably be good at killing the clock, and he'd likely have the killer instinct that the Patriots clearly lacked in the second half of games this season.

Now who could we get to play Giselle?

Drivers in Massachusetts rank fourth.

I can only wonder if anyone from Forbes.com has ever driven or tried crossing a street in Rhode Island or Massachusetts.

If they have -- and they still believe that Rhode Island and Massachusetts drivers are among the country's safest -- it might be time for a lot of us to abandon the roads and move to a cabin in the woods.

But parents might be taking the effort a little too far in applying the methods of a well-known dog trainer, the so-called Dog Whisperer, to their human offspring.

A recent story from the New York Times News Service reports that "some parents, and even a few child therapists, have found themselves taking mental notes from a television personality known for inspiring discipline, order and devotion: Cesar Millan, otherwise known as the Dog Whisperer."

I know that a lot of people think of their pets as children, so maybe it's OK for some parents to treat their kids like pets.

And I sure wouldn't mind seeing some kids muzzled and leashed.

Hey, it might be cool if my own kids would fetch me the paper and a pair of slippers after a tough day at work.

But what happens when your kids start growling at their teachers or chasing the mailman down the street?

I guess you'd have to turn to the Dog Whisperer -- again.

Maybe you missed your child's kindergarten graduation because you had to, of all things, spend the day at work.

Maybe you wonder if you said the right things when your daughter got cut from the soccer team.

Maybe you broke a window trying to show your kid how to throw a fastball.

If you are the kind of father who frets that you're not the Father of the Year, here's a story that should make you feel like you could be doing worse:

Police: Dad leaves boy and goes into strip club

The man was taken to the Marion County jail, where his wife picked up him and the child.

No, this guy won't win Father of the Year, but, hey, he only has to wait another 36 days for a fresh start in 2010.

As for the rest of us, if our paternal performance is ever challenged, most of us can say, "At least I never left my kid in the car while I got drunk at a strip club."

In a message that seems more likely to come from the passionate French, the normally stoic Brits are encouraging kissing for Christmas.

No, they won't let worries about the swine flu stop them from feeling the joy this holiday season.

Who says the British are a bunch of stiffs?

The message comes from Britain's authority on etiquette, Debrett, which says it's more hygienic to exchange kisses on the check than to shake hands.

That means it's OK to stand under the mistletoe and kiss, as long as you pick "a willing target" and you hit the target's cheek.

However, Debrett cautions, "It's acceptable to touch the other person's shoulders or upper arms, but don't be a sleaze with wandering hands."

And "Don't make sound effects."

So pucker up and have a jolly good Christmas, old boys (and girls).

And you definitely don't want to share the road with the driver of a hybrid car who has the bad driver gene, which is said to exist in 30 percent of the driving population, except in Massachusetts and Rhode Island, where it's prevalent in 90 percent of drivers.

A disturbing new study by the National Transportation Safety Board takes the shine off all those do-gooders in their Insights and Priuses. The study concluded that hybrid cars strike bicyclists or pedestrians more often than conventional cars do.

Now some people chalk it up to the hybrids being quieter and suggest they need to be equipped with noise makers. (I think the sound of birds chirping or waves crashing would be appropriate.) But at least one writer hints that the high accident rate is the product of jealous tree huggers trying to bump off two groups that rank higher in the eco-friendly pecking order.

I'd like to think it's more innocent than that. I'd like to think that those dangerous drivers were just day-dreaming about saving piping plovers or hugging Al Gore.

And maybe they all have the bad driver gene. Another study recently showed that people with a certain gene variant performed 20 percent worse on a driving test.

The research suggests that some people are born bad drivers. (We all know kids who were always crashing their scooters into the kitchen table.) According to researchers, 30 percent of us have this gene variant. (Although none of us would admit to it, since we're all great drivers, right? It's all those other guys with the bad driving genes.)

The research means that there's a 30 percent chance that the guy who cut you off on the way to work this morning just couldn't help himself.

I bet you still don't feel bad about cursing him.

First we we got the bighorn sheep look, a hair style that left fashion models looking surprisingly similar to bighorn sheep.

Then we got the book hat, a smart look that enables fashion models to look brainy and maybe even absorb some knowledge by wearing books on their heads.

After that, we were treated to the garden hat, and discovered that wearers didn't have to leave their beautiful flower displays at home, but could tote them around on their heads and, if theirs was a vegetable garden, maybe even reach up for a healthy snack.

And now we see the sure-to-be-popular pastry hat (or, at least in one case, the pastry mask.) Above are a few that were displayed Sunday at the Tokyo Sweets Collection 2009 in Tokyo, Japan.

All of these look fashionable and tasty but my favorite is the wedding cake hat on the right. The most practical of all, a wedding cake hat would ensure that the bride could get around to see everyone at the reception.

"Hi, thanks for coming. Would you like a piece of cake? Here, just grab a slice from the top of my head."

Or if the bride and groom are the types who like to play the wedding-cake-fighting-game, it would give the bride a distinct advantage in that she could simply head butt the groom.

Cha Sa-soon, 68, succeeded after taking the test almost every day since April 2005.

Good for her, but would you want to catch a ride with her?

Or even drive on the same road?

In an apparently unrelated story, a driver in Oklahoma sideswiped an 8-foot, 4,500-pound elephant that had escaped from a circus.

Cha Sa-soon was not driving.

A exhaustive 19-year study has proven what most sensible animal lovers already knew: Dogs are the funniest animals of all.

But the study did turn up some surprising findings. It claims that cats are the second funniest. It also suggests that monkeys are overrated in the humor department.

The "study" bases its conclusions on prize winners from "America's Funniest Home Videos."

The story explains, "Dogs are a clear winner as the funniest animal - especially wiener dogs, Chihuahuas and pugs - judging by payouts from the series, which begins its 20th year on ABC next month.

"In the show's first 19 years, 260 animal videos have won $2.2 million for their videographers. More than half those winners (136) have been dogs for $1.4 million in prize money. There have been 34 cat champs making $210,000," the AP reports.

Dogs. Of course. But cats? Anything that takes itself as seriously as a cat clearly has no sense of humor. Cats aren't funny at all. In fact, I'm sure cats would be offended if they realized that anyone found them funny -- and then they'd show even more attitude and even less humor, if that were possible.

Nearly as surprising is the poor showing by monkeys. Monkeys ranked well behind cats. They also fell behind squirrels and birds. (Okay, talking birds can be funny, but how many times can they repeat that joke?)

Monkeys have starred in movies, television shows, kids books. Who doesn't laugh at "Curious George?" And yet viewers of this popular TV show ranked their videos right down their with clips starring such side splitters as goats, mice and whales.

Card makers think monkeys are funny too. Whenever I go to the store to look for a birthday card, there's no shortage of birthday cards showing monkeys doing funny things like wearing diapers, drinking beer or riding a bike. I usually fall for one of them and send it off figuring it will bring a chuckle to a friend or a family member.

I notice that I don't receive as many birthday cards as I used to. Now maybe I know why.

The chair

DULUTH, Minn. (AP) -- A Minnesota man has pleaded guilty to driving his motorized La-Z-Boy chair while drunk. A criminal complaint says 62-year-old Dennis LeRoy Anderson told police he left a bar in the northern Minnesota town of Proctor on his chair after drinking eight or nine beers.

The driver

Prosecutors say Anderson's blood alcohol content was 0.29, more than three times the legal limit, when he crashed into a parked vehicle in August 2008. He was not seriously injured.

Police said the chair was powered by a converted lawnmower and had a stereo and cup holders. (This guy had to have been the envy of all the other guys in the neighborhood.)

Sixth Judicial District Judge Heather Sweetland stayed 180 days of jail time Monday and ordered two years of probation for Anderson. His attorney, David Keegan, did not immediately return a call for comment.

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Information from: Duluth News Tribune, http://www.duluthsuperior.com