Paris Hilton: The Untold Story
8:31 AM Tue, Jun 12, 2007 | Permalink
Email
 |
 |
Projo Offbeat Blog |
|
« Maybe R.I.'s inmates should act more like Paris |
Main
| Dad, he's coach, intimidator and mouse stalker »
At a time when we're starved for the tiniest tidbit of news on Paris Hilton, the short story I saw in a newspaper this weekend left me feeling famished. In a few paragraphs, it reported that Hilton would not appeal her prison sentence, that she acknowledged her court ordeal was teaching her a bitter, but important life lesson. That's a big drawback to newspapers. They have limited space, while we in cyberspace can type until carpal tunnel seizes our fingers. And so, for good or for ill, you can get the rest of the Paris Hilton story here. Here's the rest of Hilton's account in full: "Despite my tearful pleas for mommy as I was being led from the courtroom, I'm adjusting fairly well to prison. I miss my little doggie Tinkberbell, but I've found a new pet. It's so small and cute and keeps me company on the lonely nights. "I had never seen another animal like my Fifi, but the other girls here seem very familiar with them. They call them cockroaches and say they all had plenty of them in their homes when they were growing up. "I'm so happy with my new pet that I'd like to take her home with me, but she is bigger than Tinkerbell, and I'm not sure she'll fit in my handbag." "The other girls have gone out of their way to be nice and even invited me to a party in one of the cells Saturday night. One of the girls had mixed up something they call hooch in a bathtub. We all drank it and got real silly. "I know. Ewwww. Paris Hilton drinking out of a bathtub, but, hey, a girl's got to do what she can to catch a buzz. "After the party, we went out and stomped an inmate who had insulted my roommate, Pixie, over her new tattoo. The problem started before I got here, but apparently Pixie wanted a tattoo on her arm that was supposed to say 'butt kicker,' but Pixie and the girl drawing the tattoo had both been drinking hooch. The girl thought Pixie said 'butt kisser,' so that's what she wrote. "Pixie was proud of her tattoo, and nobody noticed the spelling problem until this girl from Cellblock C started pointing at Pixie and laughing in the food line. Pixie was so mad and embarrassed she went to the gym and lifted a bunch of heavy weights until she calmed down. "And later, after the party, we stomped the girl. The girls called it a 'beatdown.' I was so wishing I had worn a pair of my spiked heels to the beatdown. I just have these soft prison shoes and could barely do any damage, but I kicked the girl two times, until I got very tired, and had to go back to my cell to take a nap. "The girls have also helped me pass the time here by making crafts. I made something they call a shiv the other day. It will go great with the necklace my mother gave me on my 21st birthday. It should also come in handy to threaten that bratty Nicole. I can't believe she told David Letterman that she might go to jail, too. Doesn't she know that I'm the only rich brat who deserves publicity from this stunt." "All for now, Paris." 
CommentsLeave a comment |
New comments
New photos
Authors
New posts
Projo blogs
Archives
I'm so glad to see projo devoting its efforts to harrassing someone who is obviously mentally ill. Maybe it can devote some of its spare time to examining the state budget crisis, no, wait, that would be actual responsible journalism.
Report Abuse
I think that entitelment and superficiality are bigger problems for this girl! I believe it's dealing with reality that triggered her "mental illness". Personally, I enjoyed the humor in "The Untold Story". It was a jab at the pampered cluelessness of Paris and not her mental problems. I truly hope this experience gives Paris a better grip on how the real world works. Rules are rules. You break them,(repeatedly) you pay the consequences like everyone else.
Report Abuse